Andrew and I have been sharing our “takes” for quite some time now and we have decided to finally write our long-discussed column about what bugs us in sports.
Here is my list of sports-related gripes that I can’t “take,” in no particular order.
-Tim Tebow. Not the man, but the circus that follows him everywhere he goes.
-NASCAR is not a sport, as much as everyone would like us to believe it is.
-Nobody cares about boxing anymore, so can we stop talking about “Money” Mayweather?
-People who say wrestling is fake.
-NFL Preseason. Does anyone really care?
-Everyone’s obsession with the Green Bay Packers and Aaron Rodgers.
-People who don’t love hockey.
-Not seeing the Radwanska sisters on TV enough.
-Reading stories that cite “sources close to the situation.”
-Listening to people complain that soccer isn’t a “real” sport.
-The world’s man crush on David Beckham.
-Johnny Manziel. Enough said.
-Any story that talks about “A-Roid,” unless it’s a story about him being banned from baseball for life.
-The Braves not living up to their normal expectations and collapsing at the end of the season. Looks like my prediction was wrong.
-Not having Harry Caray in the announcer booth. Cubs win, Cubs win!
-Having Joe Buck in the announcer booth.
-Throwback uniforms in sports. Unless it’s the San Diego Chargers or Tampa Bay Bucs, most throwback jerseys are awful.
-The unfortunate souls that don’t understand the simplistic beauty of the Cleveland Browns uniforms.
-Performance enhancing drugs in sports.
-Filthy PED users like Ryan Braun, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire.
-Dan Marino not winning a Super Bowl, or Jim Kelly for that matter.
After three years of “Taking,” here’s my list of sports grievances, organized via attention deficit.
-In your post-game interview, thanking God is not cool. It’s fine to be religious, but that’s not why you said it. You’re projecting an image, and FAILING.
-Tom Brady has never been the most valuable player (MVP) of the New England Patriots. How can he be the MVP of the league?
-When referring to Michael Jordan as the best basketball player of all time, you should consider the fact that he peaked in the only decade that was less competitive than the previous.
-Jay Cutler is great for the NFL. He brings Americans together, against him.
-Ohio State should be put on probation every year they don’t win a national championship. There are over 11 million people in Ohio, with only one legit football program.
-By the time the NFL pre-season rolls around, Americans are so starved for football that they will watch any game. The other day, I watched a New York Jets and Jacksonville Jaguars game, in its entirety. Knowing this, the league should stagger the games so that one is televised every night. This way, sports fans will not have to deal with the Little League World Series every August.
-I’ve noticed, during interviews with Jason Terry, that I change the channel involuntarily. My subconscious forces it. It must be an uncharted evolutionary trait, which promotes survival in the face of complete annoyance. And now I get to share a borough with him.
-In hockey, the home team should wear white.
-If you close your eyes during women’s tennis, it sounds like torture.
-STOP CRYING, SOCCER PLAYERS! Your sport will never “sweep” America, as long as you refuse to act like men.