Your friendly neighborhood snowbird Pat McAlpine here again to take you the extra smile.
Back home in Ottawa, I put a corny sign up on my lamp post each day and people come by to see what it is. Bus drivers stop on their route to pick up kids and take a look to see what the special of the day is. Neighbors come by at night with a flashlight and walk up the drive to get their daily chuckle.
As a teacher of 33 years, I put these puns up on my window and even the ceiling. As a vice principal, I read one each day on the P.A. system and kids would come to my office and ask if I would read their jokes — a good way to get to know the kids' names.
Kids laugh 400 times daily. Adults about 15. There is a huge paucity in adults' laughter. Ergo, maybe we can add a few more laughs or groans in this column in The Log. Nobody is going to get out of this life alive, so, lighten up... and here we go.
•It was so cold today that even the hands of my watch were rubbing their hand together to get warm.
•I went to a local fish restaurant and asked them if they served crabs. The owner replied, “yes, we serve anybody! Come on in!”
•Eating at Another Broken Egg is an egg-citing experience.
•When I play golf, I wear two pairs of pants in case I get a hole-in-one!
•I'm retired! I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today!
•My grandmother never needed glasses! She drank right out of the bottle.
•Word is out that someone stole all the toilet seats from the Destin Sheriff’s Office Substation! Now, the cops have nothing to go on...
•A good time to go to the dentist if you are having trouble is at tooth-hurty!
•I notice that they have the Dewey system at the Destin library. I wonder when they will also get the Hewey and Louey systems ?
•We were so poor in my hometown of Cobalt, that we could not afford Kentucky Fried Chicken. We had to go down to the KFC outlet and lick other peoples' fingers.
•You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead!
•Drugs are quite a concern these days! We also had a "drug" problem when I was a kid. My parents drug me to church, drug me to school, drug me to the dentist!
•Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell ?
•Michelangelo charged ceiling prices…
•I close with a new country and western song. “I walked her down the meadow and she listened to my bull."
Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa. McAlpine is hosting Funology (laughter, fun and trivia) Mondays at 10 a.m. at the Senior Center next to the Destin History and Fishing Museum. He’ll also be writing a weekly humor column on Wednesday’s with The Destin Log through his stay in February. Submit your jokes or smiles to email@example.com