Let’s begin with a poem today rather than the usual pun for all you groan-ups out there.



 



When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too.



I passed around the corner, and someone saw my grin…



And when he smiled I realized, that I passed it on to him!



I thought about that smile, and then I realized its worth...



A smile just like mine, could travel round the Earth!



So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected,



Let's start an epidemic quick and get Destin infected...



— (author unknown)



 



Now back to our regularly scheduled program.



•We held BINGO games at our Catholic church back in Cobalt, Ontario. We called the numbers in Latin so the Protestants couldn't win…



•Children are a great comfort in old age! And they help you reach it faster too!



•Always be true to your teeth or they will be false to you!



•As Phyllis Diller once said, "Don't go to bed angry! Stay up all night and fight!"



•Bill Gates woke up one morning and exclaimed to his wife "I feel like a million bucks!"  His wife responded "Gee wiz! I haven't seen you that depressed in years!"



•Remember, if you keep both feet on the floor, ya can't put your pants on! 



•Money is tainted! Tain't mine and tain't yours.



•Did you know that money talks? It says "buy, buy!"



•Never iron a four leaf-clover... That would be pressing your luck!



•As Benedict Arnold's wife said to him at breakfast time, "Eggs, Benedict?" In French, they say "one egg is un oeuf!"



•My uncle was run over by a steamroller. He is in the Destin hospital in rooms 2222 to 2229.



 



Here’s some responses to "how's your business doing?" from different tradespeople.



• said the sailor: "Knot bad!"



• said the coffee salesperson: "A real grind!"



• said the drummer: "Beats me!" or, "It's hard to beat!"



• said the astronomer: "Things are looking up!"



• said the pianist: "Oh, nothing of note!" or, "I'm all keyed up!"



• said the dressmaker: "oh, sew and sew!"



• said the gravedigger: "I'm dying to get to work!"



• said the locksmith: "Everything is opening up!"



• said the garbage worker: "Things are really down in the dumps!"



• said the deep-sea diver: "By business has sunk to a new low!" The elevator operator responded “Mine is going up.”



Remember folks, a day without a pun is a day without punshine!



Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa He has been writing a weekly humor column on Wednesdays with The Destin Log through his stay in February.