Thanks to the Destin Log for allowing me to spread some humor around during my stay on the Emerald Coast. It has been a cool winter but not as cold as back home in Ottawa.  We always enjoy your hospitality whether it is in grocery stores, theaters, restaurants, bowling alleys and many pubs. So, thanks Destinians for treating us like royalty.



Have to go back home now and make so more money to put away for safekeeping and wait for the right time to buy some U.S. funds when our dollar is a little better.



But I can't leave without passing along some going-away “goodies.”



Remember, laugh and the world laughs with you, cry, and you have to blow your nose. Think that’s funny? Well it’s snot!



We were so poor in Cobalt that I couldn’t afford to pay attention.



Our Canadian ambassador to the U.S. never gets sick… 'cause he's got diplomatic immunity!



I recommend that you support your local support and rescue squad. Get lost!



The best babysitters are grandparents! Our kids feel completely comfortable entrusting their children to us for long periods... Which is why we grandparents flee to Florida! — Dave Barry.



Alcohol and calculus never mix! Never drink and derive!



I called the continence hotline yesterday and they put me on hold!



As the Emerald Coast barbershop chorus says, “show me a barbershop convention and I’ll show you a harmonic function... Speaking of which are barbershoppers paid in har-mony?



They arrested a fella the other day for talking dirty to his plants! He was caught making dirty fern calls...



I am on a special diet... I jog to the paint store because I can get thinner there!



I have a few questions for you: Have you ever seen a salad bowl? Or a fish fry? Or a home run? Or a square dance? Or a shoe box? or a hot dog stand? Or a ginger snap?



A friend of mine took me for coffee and donuts. I wasn’t expecting to give blood though.



Saw a sign on the Emerald Coast plumbing truck. It said “Take me to your leaker!”



I don’t like hanging around all your pancake houses in Destin... It gives me the crepes!



I must be getting old! My back goes out more than I do. And most of the stuff in my shopping basket says “for fast relief.”



Are you at the stage in life when every morning is the dawn of a new error?



A Destin music store ad: Broken guitars for sale.... No strings attached.



As Bugs Bunny says “that’s all folks.” Until next year.



Keep a smile on your face!  It would look kind of silly anywhere else!



        



Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" in Destin and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa.