RON HART: A Little Pyongyang for Bill Clinton

I thought things were going to get boring after Obama appropriated and Congress voted itself $550 million for a few new big private jets. Then our elected representatives got out of D.C., leaving only the hookers and DUI attorneys behind to suffer.

But who saves the day for us political humorists?  

Why, “Rambo” himself, Bill Clinton.

Slick Willie was in the USA last week because there was no need for him to travel. Hillary was in Africa. I know she was there because I saw her on TV dancing with various African tribes, thus giving the dictator-run, impoverished continent what it needs most: her gift of dance.

While the wife's away, Bill gets a call asking him to go to North Korea. He says he is real busy with Hillary gone and all, but thanks for the offer. Then the caller says there are two young Asian-American women who need help, so he yells to his personal assistant, “Clear my schedule!”

Who would be more adept at sneaking women out of compromising situations than Bill Clinton?

All Democratic ex-presidents and even ex-vice presidents should expect to get at least one Nobel Peace Prize and maybe an Oscar.

It is as predictable as a porn star getting an STD. But would Bill Clinton become the Pete Rose of the liberal prize-giving establishment and be shunned? Had they not taken notice of his work on AIDS or the bluegrass duet he did with Paula Jones?

Perhaps a grand gesture would be needed. And if he could upstage Barack Obama and please his wife, a charter member of the Ya Ya Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuit, even better.

Bill Clinton did what he normally does: he borrowed a jet from one of his Hollywood buddies and took it to pick up younger women. All he had to do was give credibility to, and kiss the tiny booty of, four-foot-tall, mini-dictator Kim Jong Il, to whom his wife and we as a nation are currently not speaking.

Lil' Kim required Bill Clinton to have a picture taken with him, which did nothing to dispel Asian stereotypes. Kim, of course, wore the crazy dictator haute couture of choice these days, the zip-up beige jacket. Nothing says “bat mess crazy” like despotic leaders such as Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong Il rocking one of those Members Only jackets.
Nothing says “I am due respect” more than a windbreaker.

Al Gore, for whom these young women worked, was rejected as the emissary. A military C-5 transport plane was not available to fly his CO2-emitting girth to North Korea anyway. Yet he did fly (presumably with a nice, self-aggrandizing, carbon footprint) to California so he could be there for the photo-op when the plane returned.
Clearly, the parents of the two young women were torn on the event.

On one hand, their daughters were freed from the possibility of a hard labor prison camp in a cold, harsh, third-world, Communist country. On the other, the young women had to fly for 13 hours in a private jet with Bill Clinton. Most would call this quandary the yin and yang of dilemmas.

It is unknown how much Obama had to do with this.

Presumably, like shooting those Somali pirates, he would wait to see how it turned out before taking credit for it or condemning it. My guess is that he had to be in favor of the mission for Clinton to get the OK to go there. I cannot go to Cuba to get cigars, so I guess Obama had to have the imprimatur of the State Department.

I wonder if Bill knew someone there…

I like what Clinton did, as it shows how quickly the private sector can respond to a crisis. He got a movie producer friend’s jet, spent only $200,000 of non-taxpayer money, and acted swiftly and with resolve.

Imagine the cost, time, and all the U.N. resolutions it would take for our government to help two people held captive. So, for the U.S. the score stands: two saved from Communism.  

There is no word yet on the other 23 million people left starving in North Korea or when, if we stay on the trajectory Obama has planned for us, our country will be in the same situation.

Ron Hart is a libertarian columnist who can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com