From the Pulpit

If ever anyone had a right to hold a grudge it was Joseph — against his brothers. Yes, he was the favorite of the 12 sons of his father,
Jacob. Yes, he got preferential treatment. Yes, he was a tattle-tale and yes, he dreamed dreams about his brothers’ bowing down to him (dreams which we know came true), and yes, he was more than ready to taunt his brothers about the dreams.

Yet, with all of this he didn’t deserve to be thrown into a pit, stripped of his coat, and sold into slavery presumably never to be seen or heard from again, by his brothers, who tore the robe, saturated it with goat’s blood, and told their broken-hearted father that his son Joseph was killed by a wild animal. If anybody had a right to hold a grudge it was Joseph.

What about you? Me.? Don’t you have a right to hold a grudge? To be angry about being wronged? To want to attack? Retaliate?
Who among us does not know betrayal, rejection, undeserved and unwarranted hurt? Who among us has never been treated unfairly? Or been cheated out of what is rightfully ours? Who among us has not had our trust broken?

That’s just part of life, part of the human condition in a fallen world — it goes with the territory.

And yet, sometimes our hurts leave deep and agonizing wounds; they can outlive our attempts to deny their power.

And we also know something about the destructive effects of holding a grudge or holding on to hurts. Resentments can have a life of their own, and as long as we hold a grudge, that person or hurtful thing has power over us.

“How often should I forgive,” Peter asks Jesus, “as many as seven times?” in what seems like a generous number. Jesus’ reply, though, indicates that there should be no limit to forgiveness.
In “Synthesis,” a periodical to which I subscribe, there is a list of misconceptions about forgiveness that I found helpful.

The first misconception about forgiveness is that there has to be repentance before there is true forgiveness. That the person who wronged you has to be sorry.

Not so. To forgive — the Greek meaning “to let go, set free” — is a decision someone makes, regardless of the wrongdoer’s attitude or change of behavior. Whereas reconciliation requires mutuality, forgiveness can be done unilaterally. Though hearing genuine repentance can be helpful, it is not necessary. Do you want to get free of that grudge you may be holding? Choose to forgive.

The second misconception is that real Christians can forgive and forget and then move on.

For most people it isn’t that easy. The pain and resentment don’t just go away. The hurt needs to be named and the trauma owned.

Another misconception is that a Christian forgives to maintain their own spiritual health. Or to keep from becoming embittered.

Though there is some truth to that, the Gospel reason for forgiveness is to reflect the overwhelming generosity of God.

We can forgive as we know we, warts and all, are forgiven as we turn to God, “to whom all things are known and from whom no secrets are hid.”

We can forgive in that we know for ourselves: God is not the God of a second chance, but the God of ANOTHER chance. Always.

The compiler of the above list of misconceptions asks, “Who are we, having received the unmotivated mercy of God, not to let go of others who have wounded us? Not because they have deserved it, or because they have changed or are sorry, but because the nature of Jesus’ love has taken hold of us and we cannot do otherwise?”

And when we forgive others, often we are the ones who are set free.

The Rev. David B. Powell is Rector of St. Andrews By-the-Sea Episcopal Church in Destin.