From the Pulpit

Last month in this column, I mentioned how by the time that article was published, that I would be in Bali, Indonesia. I would like to report that the trip was a great success with the biggest success being that I didn’t get sick. Oh sure, there were great times with God and some good ministry moments, but I did not get Bali Belly (I am not sure if you are aware, but Bali Belly is a distant cousin to Montezuma’s revenge).

I can’t count how many times as a youth minister I told the teens not to drink the local water when we went on our mission trips. I would tell them their stomachs were not used to the different types of water they have there. I would graphically spell out the consequences of digesting water and dairy products in order to scare them.

I made T-shirts that said “Got water?” with the international circle and a slash emblazoned over it so everybody would remember not to drink the water or even give the water to someone else. I made them wear these shirts at all times. We made the shirts in Spanish (“Tiene aqua?”) so the locals would not give them anything to drink. I brought in a motivational speaker who broke bricks, blew up hot water bottles, and other great feats of strength. Then, in his best Arnold voice, say, “Just say ‘NO’ to h2o!” All of this, even to the point of lying, just to saturate them with the knowledge about the danger of ingesting water with unknown origins. Do you think any of that worked?

No! I would inevitably catch someone, usually a guy, during one of the breaks on the construction project or in between mime performances eating an ice cream cone or drinking out of a hose someone had attached to a water spigot. All that and he still drank the water, and not just any water, but water out of a hose. This happened every mission trip we went on.

You know what happens next. At first it starts with an upset stomach and then I have to get all the guys to move their stuff to another room so that this Bozo can have a little space because he’s “sick.” That’s right, I used quotations. Now everyone has to be extra quiet during break times, because he is “resting.” And everyone will have to work a little harder for the next day or two because now they have to carry his load as well as their own and he needs to “recuperate.”

What really got me, and it never failed to happen, is that some of the girls on the trip would be worried about this guy. They apparently forgot that someone had done this exact same thing for the last four mission trips. So, they want to dote all over this guy. They bring him crackers to chew on and check on his “progress” every few hours. After a few years of doing this, I began to see a trend because as the Florence Nightingale syndrome took effect, I knew the next issue I had to deal with was the “Mission Trip Romance,” but that is another article for another column.

All this time I thought this guy was really dumb for drinking water out of a hose, but after awhile I got it. This was just a long, drawn-out, elaborate plan to accomplish two things: (1) Get him out of work and (2) as a way to meet girls in the youth group. Because it was a different guy every year, I began to wonder if there was some secret society these teens were members of, that passed this ancient ritual on from generation to generation. That there was some dusty, old, leather-bound book hidden in the cornerstone of the church that through some secret rite of passage certain 15 year olds became privy to.

I could go on and on and about this subject, but I just feel so “weak” from all this typing, could someone get me a cold washcloth for my head, please? I think I need to rest.

I’m sure glad I went on this trip to Bali by myself.
Pastor Eric Partin is the lead pastor of Shoreline Church in Destin and can be reached at epartin@cox.net