Special to The Log

Mary ReadyWEB

Special to The Log

Special to The Log
Published: Friday, February 22, 2013 at 04:11 PM.

For some time now, I’ve been getting ready to die.

No, I’m not particularly depressed. I’m just an obsessive control freak who wants to have a say-so in everything, even from beyond the grave.

If I believed the date on www.deathclock.com, my personal world will end on March 4, 2025. Given that I’m not a smoker, drinker, or careless driver, my remaining life span doesn’t seem very generous. Surely, at 78, I’ll still have a few brain cells and a faint pulse remaining. 

But, in case I’m wrong about that, and I lose my mind earlier, or I get run over by a beer truck on Highway 98, I’ve been making preparations.

In addition to having a living will, I keep my last will and testament updated. My cemetery plot is purchased, and my funeral paid for. A folder marked “Funeral” in my office filing cabinet contains my final wishes, obituary, favorite Bible scriptures, and hymns. My preference for casket attire: red, flannel nightgown. My two favorite songs: “Ave Maria” (even though I’m not Catholic) and Patsy Cline’s “Crazy.”

A spray of yellow roses but no other flowers. Send those flowers instead to a lonely widow in my name or give a donation to a church or charity. Place a needed book in a school library for me. Plant a tree in a park or place a bench there for the weary.

I’ve even written the program and the script for my service in case the presiding preacher has to struggle to think up something nice to say about me. (I’ve always heard you should live your life in such a way that your eulogist has lots of positive things to say.) It may be my schoolteacher mentality that has to create detailed lesson plans, so why not do it for my final presentation.

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