COLUMN: Teaching your child the art of conversation

Upon reading a biography of John F. Kennedy many years ago, I came to an “Aha!” moment as a parent.  During most dinners in their Massachusetts home, JFK’s parents expected the children to become learners and conversationalists. They required the children to come to the dinner table every night prepared to discuss a topic. 

The children were expected to know enough about the topic so that they could answer questions from the others at the table, including those from the parents.  I began to hold these educational conversations at dinner with my children, but added the requirement that they name the source of their information.  My daughter still remembers these conversations and my question, “What is your source?” This extra requirement allowed me to help them learn to evaluate sources of information even more important today with the Internet. 

Parents might ask, why should I teach the art of conversation to my child?  First, teachers will tell you those students who have learned the art of conversation pay attention in class. Second, teaching children how to converse helps them develop the ability to mentally prepare responses to another person’s dialog. Third, to be good conversationalists, children have to learn to think about what is being said and be able to add to the conversation themselves.  Fourth, teaching children to converse improves their sociability with peers. Finally, conversation teaches children to take turns and respect the other person.

When should a parent encourage the development of this skill? The age to start formal lessons is around four. When your child first asks those “Why?” questions, you can start. Some clues to help you start when the child is young are:

•Get down to the child’s level physically when talking. 

•Keep sentences short and use words that the child will understand. 

•Choose something to talk about that will interest them, or let them start the topic. 

•These “talks” should not be very long, probably five minutes or less. 

•You can stimulate children by asking them questions about the topic.

•You can also teach them how to paraphrase what they have heard. 

You might ask “where or when should I start these conversations?” The answer, of course, is when the child will be in the best mood to have the talks.  Talks can be in the car, at the dinner table, on walks or at bedtime. For older children, it really can be any time and should begin to be extended to longer periods of time than five minutes. A key thing to remember is: don’t press the issue if the child is tired because it will become an unpleasant encounter.

An easy topic for children both at home and school is to have them converse about a favorite book or movie.  If the child is really having difficulty getting started, give the child a list of questions to think about prior to the discussion.  For example:  What was the plot of the story?  How did the main characters change over time in the story?  Where was the setting (time and place) and how did that impact the story?  Could changing the setting have made a better story? How?  What makes this a good book? The child could talk about one of these questions or all of them depending on time allotted. 

As a youngster, I had a learning disability and did not learn to read until I was in sixth grade. A tutor quickly improved my reading from a first grade level in fifth grade to an eighth grade level.  The tutor told my mother that if I didn’t keep reading, I would lose what I had gained. My mother set the requirement that I read a book a week and the deadline to be Friday afternoon for a reason. 

No book read; no fun on weekend. My smart mother was killing two birds with one stone.  She got me to read those books and improved my conversational skills as well.  The rewards teaching your child the art of conversation can be enormous.

For further reading on this topic check out this website: http://familyfun.go.com/holidays/teaching-children-the-art-of-good-conversation-701388/

Or, this book: “How to Have Intelligent and Creative Conversations” with Your Kids by Jane M. Healy.

Tommy Fairweather is regular Log contributor and a retired Walton County teacher, who lives in Destin and still volunteers in the school system.