MARY READY: A stupid discussion vs. words for the wise

A popular saying these days is “You can’t fix stupid.” Apparently there’s no medication, no therapy, and no intervention to cure that malady.

Here are some other sayings on the subject of stupidity vs. wisdom:

Stupid is as stupid does.  — Forest Gump

Only two things are infinite — the universe and human stupidity — Albert Einstein

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. — Confucius

A stupid child is ruin to a father, and a wife’s scolding is a continual dripping of rain. — Proverbs 19:13

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve do both. The wise forgive but do not forget. — Thomas Szasz

A wise wife often sleeps with a stupid husband. — Chinese saying

It is useless to speak wisdom to the stupid. And he who understands the wise is wise already. — G.C. Lichtenberg

The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing. —Socrates  

For all their vast wisdom, intelligent people are rarely as entertaining as stupid people. In fact, three comedic categories are particularly amusing:  students, criminals, and newspaper headlines. 

Teachers report such jewels as “During the Old Ages, America got started. Christopher Columbus was a great aviator who discovered America while cursing the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinto, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and they called it the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was hard on the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.”

Now for stupid criminals:

“A 33-year-old woman was arrested after she was identified in a photo lineup for the theft of $300 worth of merchandise. Tameshia Rice was recognized in the line up from her Mohawk worn when she allegedly stole merchandise from Chicos and Sephora at Destin Commons, according to an Okaloosa County Sheriff's report. Rice is accused of taking hundreds of dollars in merchandise and attempting to hide it in her pants pockets, the report said.”

Is it me, or is it kinda dumb to sport a Mohawk while committing retail theft?

Finally, my favorite stupid headlines:

“County pays $250,000 to advertise lack of funds”

“Volunteers search for old Civil War planes”

“Ten Commandments: Supreme Court says some ok; some not” (There’s a choice?)

“Utah Poison Control reminds everyone not to take poison”

“Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons”

“Statistics show teen pregnancy drops off significantly after 25”

“One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers” (That’s just mean!)

Sometimes stupid doesn’t fit into a category. And no individual dumb student can top the group dumbness of a school district in Utah that denied a high school’s request to have the cougar as their mascot. Superintendent David Doty changed the name to “chargers” because he said older women who date young men would be offended.

 Good grief!  

Just so you don’t think there are no “Stupid Mary” stories, I’ll share a family favorite, retold over and over by my husband at gatherings. When we were dating, he had his ’57 Ford re-upholstered in naugahyde. My exclamations over how pretty it looked turned to horror and disgust when he added, “Thousands of little naugas died to cover those seats.”

He went on to say how brutally the little creatures were killed in their Amazon forest habitat. They were bashed on the head to avoid marring their valuable body skin.I was appalled at my beloved’s inhumanity and told all his friends I didn’t think I could be with such a man. They laughed and snickered. I didn’t know why, and that only made me conclude they were sick freaks too.

Eventually, right before I dumped him, he explained there were no such animals as naugas. Instead, the seat covers were a vinyl-coated fabric used in upholstery. He loves that story.   

So do I. It keeps me humble.

Mary Ready of Destin is a twice-retired English teacher and long-time area resident. Her columns are published on Saturdays.