On taking things way too personally

I’m singing in the choir a few Sundays ago, and I notice about 10 or 12 nicely dressed folks walk in late and take seats in the very front (so, I know they weren’t authentic Baptists).
Then the song changed to “Days of Elijah,” with its repetitive choral chant, “There is no God like Jehovah”…etc. and ad infinitum. Then, it happened. The entire group got up en masse and marched out of the church.
Not only did that bother me in that moment, but it haunted my thoughts all day. Why? Why? Why?  I asked myself questions like, “What did we do to offend them?”
“Was it the song lyrics or the fact that some worshippers were uplifting their arms?” “Was it the clapping of hands or the percussion instruments?” OR “Did they suddenly realize they were in the wrong place and rush off to some other church?”
Hmmmm, I could barely pay attention to the sermon for pondering all this.
The question I should have been asking was, “Why on earth do you care?”
I hear people claim all the time that they don’t care what other people think of them. Truth be told, they’re lying to themselves. The fact is most of us really do care, and it drives us crazy when we’re the recipients of some critical word or deed, especially if we don’t know why.
Once in awhile, I’ve gotten an offensive gesture or a horn honk from another driver. And I’m left to figure out what I did that warranted such a response. I’m driving at or above the speed limit; I’m in my lane; I moved when the light turned green; and I haven’t cut anybody off in traffic.
Again, why do I care?
Recently two family members have had their cars vandalized. One car had acid poured all over it, ruining the paint. The other car had a bag of fish bait with its rancid juices poured in it, necessitating expensive professional treatment. Neither victim can figure out with any certainty who dislikes them or who has been offended enough to do such a thing.
Is it two different vandals? Are the incidents related?  Was it random, coincidental meanness? Yet again, why, why, why?
It’s enough to keep you up at night. Unless you’re one of those folks who have very thick skin. Since I belong to the Thin-Skinned Club, I did a little research into what I can do to escape the trap of easily hurt feelings.
The sum of what I found is basically this: to avoid criticism, rudeness, or vandalism, one must do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. Well, I can’t exactly do that. And it doesn’t make me feel any better to go on whining about it.
But here are a few things we can do to avoid taking things way too personally:
•Realize the other person’s action may reflect pressure or grief in his own life
•Realize the other person’s action may just be the result of extreme frustration
•Realize there may be something you’ve done to provoke the other person
•Realize that if you’ve done nothing wrong (be honest), it’s his problem, not yours
•Realize that you may have misinterpreted what you heard or saw
•Realize you may be too sensitive, letting your emotions control your thoughts
•Realize that you can not read other peoples’ minds
•Realize there will be random, unexplainable evil as long as the devil prospers
•Pray for those who have hurt you, whether intentionally or inadvertently
•Turn to God for your affirmation and approval
OK, so that’s easy to say. The doing may be a little tough.
It’s much easier to take it personally when someone insults you, ignores you, is rude or treats you poorly in some way or another. Self-pity is the natural result unless we try to control our feelings instead of letting them control us.
The German poet von Goethe has said, “Do not give in to your feelings. An overly sensitive heart is an unhappy possession to have on this all too shaky earth.”
If only our earth wasn’t so “shaky.” But we don’t live in Utopia with rational, genteel, and loving fellow citizens. I guess that’s why Martin Luther King Jr., just before his murder, wrote, “Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects both rudeness and revenge.”
So, until we all “evolve,” I’ll just keep trying to toughen my skin. 
Mary Ready of Destin is a twice-retired English teacher and long-time area resident. Her columns are published on Saturdays.