Nice to see religion back in Christmas. Just stand at the counter and listen to shoppers purchasing gifts. When they ask the price of an article, they reply "Oh, my God.”

I ate the silver decorations on our tree and ended up with tinsilitis

One can hear bees at the hive at this time of the year, singing "There's no place like comb for the holidays.”

Heard one wife speaking to her husband, "This Christmas, let's give each other sensible gifts, like ties and fur coats."

Is it true electricians give each other "shorts" for Christmas? Plumbers give "tap" shoes? Policemen and policewomen give pullovers? Storytellers exchange yarn? Naval engineers, oranges? Carpenters, nail polish? And travel agents, books?

Dec. 24 is a wrap race.

Make this Christmas one you won't forget. Charge everything.

This year I sent all my postcards with 20 cent stamps. They told me that it was cheaper to mail things "partial" post.

At Christmastime, it is hard to separate the men from the toys.

Christmas trees are a lot like bad knitters. They both drop their needles.

Actually saw a sign at the animal hospital that said Meowy Christmas and a Yappy New Year.

At our airport on the way down to Destin, just prior to Christmas, they had mistletoe hanging above the luggage. I think it was so that we kiss our luggage goodbye.

The aforementioned may not get a lot of laughs, but the smiles and groans are deafening.

All the best to you all this holy and festive season. Vow to smile more in 2018.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa. Submit your jokes or smiles to