A former president stated that nurses are the beating heart of the medical system.

How about a little humor about these great people?

"Every part of me hurts," stated a woman to her nurse. The concerned nurse asked her to show her where it hurt. The woman touched her head and let out a scream. Then she touched her arm and screamed again. She touched her nose and said, "Ouch." She touched her stomach and let out another shout. "See, it hurts everywhere."

The nurse told her not to worry. "It's not serious. You've just broken your finger."

Patient: I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles."

Nurse: “That's OK. You should have a good vowel movement."

Never look down on nurses because some day you will be looking up at them.

A nurse asked her patient, “Is there anything that you would like to discuss with me?"

"Well," said the patient. "I was thinking of having a vasectomy."

“That's a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

“Yes, we took a vote, and they were in favor of it 15-to-2."

The sickness that cowboys get riding horses is bronc-itis.

"Nurse, I don't want those incontinent supplies they call Depends. I want For Sures."

Tom Swifties is one type of humor and we apply them to medical situations.

"It seems to me you're allergic to this new lotion," Tom said rashly.

"Since I don't have your chart, this is all from memory," Tom wrote.

"Why are you limping," Tom said, lamely.

"You can ride in the ambulance," Tom said hospitably.

"We need a 10-gauge needle,” Tom hypothesized.

"There's room for one more on this ward," Tom admitted.

"You have to wear that cast for six more weeks," Tom said disjointedly.

"I hope you are not afraid of needles," Tom injected.

A group of art experts were stricken with a mysterious illness while studying the Mona Lisa at the Louvre in Paris. One by one, they began sneezing and coughing uncontrollably. Some of them had watery eyes and some had a fever and a rash. It turned out that they all had contracted the mysterious "Da Vinci Cold."

A husband and wife requested that the male nurse stop treating her who was on glucose monitoring.

The husband complained that the male nurse was flirting with his wife. Every time he comes into her room to check her blood, he flirts with her. "How so?" asked the nurse in charge. The hubby replied, "He always says, "I need to check your blood, sugar."

Nurses are the bosses in the hospital because they are always calling the shots.

Hats off to these wonderful people.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to fribbitty@hotmail.com.