Speaking of toilet paper, why were people hoarding it anyway? Isn’t a respiratory disease at the other end?

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Wouldn’t it be nice if just this once, Congress could quit the games and just concentrate on the crisis? Instead, we saw Democrats trying to load up the stimulus package with unrelated liberal fantasies and Republicans worrying that the serfs will get too uppity if jobless benefits were made even semi-livable.

The lieutenant governor of Texas did not exactly say old people should be willing to die if it helps reopen the economy and their kids may prosper, but it was close enough. Like Marie Antoinette, who didn’t really say “Let them eat cake,” Dan Patrick will always be remembered for that.

What ever happened to Joe Biden? He used to be on TV, wasn’t he?

Which car insurance company has the most annoying TV commercials? Liberty Mutual, Progressive, the General, Allstate, that lizard?

Do producers of shows like “Maury” and “Jerry Springer” ever reject a potential guest for being too trashy?

It was impressive how quickly marketers adjusted to the quarantine. Burger King, car companies, even bathroom tissue makers rushed out ads assuring us they know our plight and can adapt their businesses.

Speaking of toilet paper, why were people hoarding it anyway? Isn’t a respiratory disease at the other end?

Why did so many people break quarantine to run out and buy guns? The Orlando Sentinel reported that Department of Law Enforcement ran 87,600 background checks between March 12 and 20 — nearly triple the number for the same 10 days of last year.

Maybe the gun purchasers were getting ready to guard their toilet paper.

With all the sports leagues on hiatus, why did so few networks offer video of classic games? CBS dug up some past March Madness, but couch-bound fans need better. I’d happily watch the Jets-Colts Super Bowl of 1969 or the late Don Larsen’s perfect game in the 1956 World Series, if somebody has the tapes somewhere.

Speaking of that great Super Bowl, does anyone else feel really ancient when Joe Namath is on TV doing commercials for Medicare supplemental insurance?

Imagine how much worse this confinement would have been in the Fifties or Sixties. Netflix, YouTube, Skype and an endless array of cable and streaming choices make it bearable. And books — good ol’ books!

It would be nice if we could hibernate like bears for weeks or months. And how come dogs can sleep any time they want to? I wish I could nap like my black Lab.

Bill Cotterell is a retired Tallahassee Democrat capitol reporter who writes a twice-weeklly column. He can be reached at bcotterell@tallahassee.com.