RON HART: Year-end Review: A Look Back at 2015
Here’s my annual look back at the previous year:
• The South was hit with floods over Christmas. More Tennesseans would have drowned had they not been able to use Dolly Parton as a flotation device.
• Who would have thought that in 2015 one could get gay married in Alabama but not be able to smoke weed in Ohio?
• The second royal baby was born in 2015, weighing in at 9 pounds. That is like $13 with our strong currency now.
• Dick Cheney hit all the media outlets promoting his new book. He miscalculated one appearance on MSNBC, where he felt he would be greeted as a liberator. He believes in water boarding; so does Trump, as it may be the only way to get the truth out of Hillary Clinton.
• Even though she has the Democratic nomination locked up, Hillary is harder to find than her emails. She had her campaign conduct a $5 online raffle. The winner got a dinner with Hillary; second prize was a dinner and a speech.
• The book Clinton Cash detailed how Hillary and Bill used their foundation to make $200 million via speeches and taking money from nefarious donors expecting favors. But the Clintons did do some fine philanthropic work in the area of closing gaps in wealth inequality — mostly gaps between theirs and that of Bill Gates.
• The Bunny Ranch bordello formed a political group, Hookers for Hillary, to raise money. They have a lot in common: Like Hillary, hookers will change positions at any time if offered enough money.
• Hillary Clinton had to decide to run with or against Obama in 2016. With 20/20 hindsight, the only nuanced difference so far is that she said would not have pulled out of Iraq as early as Obama did, thus creating ISIS. History might repeat itself: It could mark the second time an early pull-out almost cost a Clinton the presidency.
• Trump’s run for president and his blunt statements have cost him millions in business, from being forced to sell his Miss Universe pageant to having the USGA pull his golf course from consideration because of anti-Muslim remarks. When all-white clubs say you need to be more "racially sensitive," it might be time to self-evaluate. It's like Johnny Depp telling you that you are wearing too many scarves.
• The country still underestimates the Clintons’ ability to stay in a bad marriage. To be fair, many people stay in bad relationships a long time. I once didn’t break up with a girl for a year because her dad had an eight track tape rewinder.
• The San Bernardino terrorist shooting could have been averted had the couple's next-door neighbor not been afraid of being called Islamophobic and reported their stockpile of weapons. Even after the attack, Attorney General Loretta Lynch lectured the country on racism and being too hard on Muslims. It’s Obama’s new domestic terrorism mantra: “If you see something, say something — as long as it potentially cannot, in any way, be interpreted as offensive.”
• ISIS has been recruiting well with its looted oil wealth. The want-ads say: "Must be willing to martyr yourself for jihad and be proficient in Excel spreadsheets."
• Bernie Sanders, who was leading Hillary in New Hampshire, has fallen behind. In desperation, Bernie sued the DNC. He was told he would have to do something to jump start his campaign, and Bernie replied, “Ok then, release my sex tape.”
• Our military is depleted to its lowest levels since before World War II. Seventy-five percent of Army enlistees fail the physical test because they are overweight. Drill instructors now say, "Drop and give me one.” Obama has a plan, though. Rather than shaming recruits into getting in shape, he will only invade countries with no hills.
• We continue to have trouble with ISIS, Iran, Israel and Iraq — countries that have more “I's” in them than an Obama speech honoring someone else. Obama's staff worked hard to defeat Bibi Netanyahu but failed, making him the first U.S. president to lose the Senate, the House and the Knesset in one year. Not that he’s petulant, but Obama wrote Bibi’s letter of congratulations in German.
• After negotiating with its creditors, Greece averted another debt default. The final day’s talks lasted 15 hours, better known as a Greek work week. The country printed new currency, putting Brian Williams’ portrait on its money.
• Another life-long criminal was found dead in Baltimore after being hauled to jail in a paddy wagon. After awkward, racially-tinged political rhetoric, citizens rioted. They took everything from the stores they looted except work boots and Dirks Bentley CDs.
• Our military released records confiscated in the bin Laden raid. They revealed that he watched news coverage tapes of himself all day, smoked pot, colored his hair, used Viagra, and watched a lot of porn. This helped Americans in the healing process, as we realized that our similarities are much larger than our differences.
A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron’s a frequent guest on CNN. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.