Snowbird Sillies: Start your day with a laugh

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

It is said that laughter is our shield against negative emotions. Maybe these will start your day off properly.

Hope you are not like W.C. Fields who said, “Start your day off with a smile and get it over with.”

For three nights i dreamed about hats. I decided to go to the race track and got a program to check out the action. In the third race, there was a horse called “Top Hat” at 20 to 1. I thought maybe this was some kind of sign with me dreaming about hats, so I wagered a bet of $2. “Hats off” was way out in front but petered out coming down the stretch. That really bothered me. I thought Top Hat was a cinch to win. When I explained it to a friend near by he asked me, “Which horse won?” and I exclaimed, “Sombrero.”

My buddy Marty invited me out for coffee and donuts which I thought was a pretty nice gesture. It wasn't too bad, but I hadn't counted on giving blood!

Took in a movie recently and beside me was this gentleman who constantly crawled on the floor.

“For what are you looking, sir,” I inquired.

“My gum dropped,” he replied.

“And you are going to all this trouble and disturbing all of us around you just to find a piece of gum?”

“Yes, sir. My teeth are in it.”

A successful businessman had two sons. A skinny fellow named “Nird” and a burly son named “Ird.” On his deathbed, the businessman left all his assets to “Ird.” The reason being, ‘cause it’s the ird that gets the firm!

The police were called to a day care center where a three year old was resisting a rest.

Word out of the Vatican is that an attempt is being made to get rid of the fowl smell that has been plaguing the papal residence. Someone said it could be done by spreading out some pope-pourri. Is this a lot of papal bull?

Roses are red, violets are blue ... I can row a boat, canoe?

Want to be rich? Buy 50 pigs and 50 deer. Then you'll have 100 sows and bucks.

To those people who have moles digging holes in their lawns, take away their shovels. Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either.

Until next week, remember if you see someone that is not smiling, give them one of yours.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa. He’ll also be writing a weekly humor column on Saturday’s with The Destin Log through his stay in February. Submit your jokes or smiles to