Snowbird Sillies: Golf is really punny

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Snowbirds, about to start your golfing, ponder the following:

Frustrated golfers use course language. Oh, fore get it.

A golf tournament is par wars.

King Arthur played golf at knight clubs.

In golf, I seldom land on the green. But, I get a lot of fringe benefits.

They say that golf is a game in which we drive to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.

Father: “How was your golf game today, son?”

Son: “Well, I am a little put out with my output on the in-putts.”

It was not up to par.

Golf, the game that turned the cows from the pasture and let in the bull.

Golfers Psalm (not sure who wrote this)

My golf clubs are my inequity; I shall want them no more.

My driver maketh my ball to slice into green pastures

My wedge causeth it to sink in still waters.

My mid-irons tempteth me to the sand trap for my balls’ sake.

Yes, though I cross the creek in nine, I dubeth my approach.

My putt runneth over, my clubs and my balls maketh me to prepare a feast for my enemies.

Verily, I am their meal ticket. Surely, I shall swing my clubs all the days of my life.

And I shall shooteth a 100 plus forever and ever. Amen.

When I golf, I wear two pairs of pants in case I get a hole-in-one.

The best way to hit a golf ball is with a golf club.

A bride in her lovely wedding gown was seen running across the golf course to a fellow about to tee off. As she approached, with a disgusted looked on her face, he yelled to her, “I told you only if it rained.”

A game of golf is much like taxes. Both try golfer’s soul.

We won’t see any pirates out on the courses. Most of them have bad hooks.

I drove into the rough the other day on a short par three and out came a quail. That’s the first time that I have seen a partridge on a par three.

I took my golfing pro’s advice and kept my head down and my eye on the ball. But, when I looked up, someone had stolen my golf bag.

Enjoy this game of flog.  That’s golf spelled backwards.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa. Submit your jokes or smiles to