Snowbird Sillies: Something fishy about this column

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Are you a sucker for fish word play? Read this column just for the halibut. I compiled this column sole-ly for you. That was my main porpoise. These puns are ofishal. I hope you don’t feel orcaward reading all this stuff about fish … this is the fish pun article about which you have been herring.

Oppo-tuna-ity knocks. Remember that song, “Salmon” Chanted Evening? Or Dean Martin singing, “When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie, that’s a-moray.”

You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

Eskimos singing, “Whale meat again, don’t know where, don’t know when.”

The fish person at Buckingham Palace is Prince Fillet.

By providing you with all these puns, I feel like I’m reinventing the whale.

Holy shrimp, this scampi happening.

Do you realize that it is a pain in the bass trying to come up with more fish puns?

Ya’ don’t have to be a brain sturgeon to catch on to these groaners, hook, line and sinker.

Doesn’t it  say on the dollar bill, IN COD WE TRUST?

You’re squidding me.

Remember that reel funny comedian, Dick van Pike? And of course, Anchovy Chase.

They sent me to court and  found me gillty of fish puns. They told me to dolphinitely cut back on these sickies. I know cod do batter.

If you can think of other fish puns, let minnow … something to mullet over.

Create your own puns. Don’t leave it to salmon-else. Quit carping about mine.

Haddock about enough of this? Should I kipper lid on these? Maybe these fish puns get your seal of approval.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa. Submit your jokes or smiles to