Snowbird Sillies: For musical folks on the Emerald Coast

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

I don’t get many laughs, but the groans and smiles are deafening.

Does music make you think ?  It sure makes Stevie “Wonder.” 

New Yorktaxis driver’s song — “Oh, the yellow rows of taxis”

Country and western Willie Nelson’s favorite — On the commode again, can’t wait to get on the commode again.

Neil Diamond’s desert song — “Jello, my friend, Jello, I just called to say Jello.

Can you just imagine couples in nudist colonies singing — I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places ....

Sir Isaac Newton’s song — Don’t sit under the apple tree.

Count Dracula singing peg of my heart.

Have you heard the termite song?  I’m going to sit right down and bite myself a ladder.

Bobby Darren’s Splish, splash, I’m having a hot flash

Herman and the Hermits — Mrs. Brown you have a lovely walker.

The lawyers’ song — Going to hire an environmental attorney.

The sheep’s song — It had to be ewe, it had to be ewe.

How about, I left my harp in Sam clams’ disco?

I like the oldie — See ya later alligator, after while Gomer Pile.

Barbers love singing Nobody knows the stubble I’ve seen.

Taxidermists — Stuff the magic dragon.

The grand old favorite — Don’t listen to the Mississippi river, grandma, it has a dirty mouth.

The veggie song — It’s the dawning of the age of asparagus.

The plumber’s song — to drain the impassible drain.

Irving Berlin wrote a song, the Easter Parade. It didn’t take long to reach the top of the hat parade.

Imagine singing this song to your dear old grandma .... Don’t sit on the gas stove, Grannie. You’re too old to ride the range.

The new country and western tune — You may put me in prison, but you can’t keep my face from breaking out.

My favorite — Let me call you sweetheart ‘cause I can’t remember your name.

How about Joshua fit the battle of Geritol?

I got a silent ovation on some of these. Have a great week, and SMILE, it improves your face value.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa. Submit your jokes or smiles to