COLUMN: Snowbird works to put some smiles in the paper

Patrick McAlpine, Snowbird Sillies
Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa.

It’s time for us to lighten up and laugh, chuckle, and groan a bit more.  Remember, nobody is going to get out of this world alive. Children smile 400 times daily. Adults on the other hand only do it 15 times a day. Therefore, I want to provide a few smiles that just could lighten up a few days.

Remember, a smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life. It doesn't cost anything to smile. If someone isn't smiling, then give them one of yours. Smiling is the best way to improve your face value...

Without further ado, I submit the following which I have compiled.

·         If I want a ticket to a Paul McCartney concert, do I have to pay a "sir" charge?

·         I know a fellow who is addicted to brake fluid... He maintains that he can stop anytime.

·         Never iron a four-leaf clover... that's pressing your luck.

·         When a man puts his feet down, it usually means that his wife has finished vacuuming under his chair...

·         I call my car "Shasta." Shasta have gas, Shasta have insurance, Shasta have oil!

·         I dislike mornings! They're so early!

·         The person who gets breakfast in bed is probably in the hospital.

·         My doctor told me to play 36 holes a day, so, I went out and bought a mouth organ.

·         Retirement isn't so bad... The pay isn't great, but, ya can't beat the hours.

·         I am retired... I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

·         I golf in the low ‘80s... if it gets any hotter, I don't play.

·         Back in my home in Ottawa, Canada, it was so cold yesterday that my daughter told me that a snowman rapped on the door and asked if he could come in!

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa. McAlpine is hosting Funology (laughter, fun and trivia) Mondays at 10 a.m. at the Senior Center next to the Destin History and Fishing Museum.  He’ll also be writing a weekly humor column on Wednesday’s with The Destin Log through his stay in February. Submit your jokes or smiles to