SNOWBIRD SILLIES: A groan, a chuckle or cackle

Patrick McAlpine

Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu ... someone smiled at me, so I want to pass it on to you.

Well, maybe a groan or a chuckle or cackle or just a good old laugh.

You've heard about the busy bee.

His sex is very hard to see.

But he can tell and so can she,

The bee is such a busy soul,

He has no time for birth control.

And that is why in times like these,

There are so many sons of bees. — John Fenn

While down here in Northwest Florida, I have joined a health club where they say I can lose a quick 20 pounds. I have paid $200 and have been a member for two months and haven't lost any weight. Apparently, you have to show up. Wait for it!

Are you at that time in your life that whenever you sneeze, either your radiator leaks or your exhaust backfires?

I saw a Broadway show on puns at the Mattie Kelly Theatre. It was a play on words.

Ben Franklins' parents told him to "Go fly a kite." Here are a few of his humorous quotes:

"Beware a hobby that eats."

"Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall never be disappointed."

"God heals and the doctor takes the fee."

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days."

"If you want to know the value of money, just borrow some."

"Keep your eyes open before marriage and half shut afterwards."

"Life's tragedy is that we get too old too soon, and too wise too late."

Dear algebra teacher,

Please stop asking us to find your "X." She's never coming back.

So, don't ask us "Y."

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

I purchased a brand new leaf blower to pick up all those leaves that blow over from all my neighbors' trees. It really sucks.

Trying to write with a broken pencil is pointless. Get the point?

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

When smog lifts in L.A. ... U. C. L. A.

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I refused to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I have a pro-pun-city to mention boat sillies.

I used to have a fear of boats but now that ship has sailed.

A boater shouted to shore that the bottom of his boat had a hole. Someone shouted from shore, "You've got a hull of a problem."

Is a small pirate vessel called a thug boat?

A sea captain navigating through a narrow channel was in dire straits.

I can row a boat, canoe?

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."