SNOWBIRD SILLIES: A corny-copia of groans and chuckles

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Smile ... it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

A day without sunshine is like night.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Boycott shampoo ... demand the real poo.

Corduroy pillows are making a lot of headway this year.

I poured spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.

For sale — parachute only used once. Never opened but has a small red stain.

Where there is a will, I want to be in it.

A journey of 100 miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

Roy Rogers to his horse, "More hay, Trigger?""No, Roy, I'm stuffed."

Blue and green should never be seen except in a washing machine. But I'm not the one to tell God that his sky and grass don't match.

My neighbor has "summer teeth." Some are here and some are there.

Why not take longer steps so that your shoes will last longer.

Do you find that too much month is left at the end of the money?

Do they really want firefighters in hell?

Trouble with working in a fire hydrant factory is you can't park anywhere near the place.

In the past spring, I spotted the first robin. Unfortunately, it spotted me first.

Isn't it strange? John wears jeans and his girlfriend Jean wears johns.

Key chains are remarkable ... they allow us to lose all our keys at once.

One advantage of being poor — it isn't expensive.

If you get an invitation to a party for a person who no longer has class or principals, then it's probably for a retiring teacher. 

Confucius say, "Who say I say all these things I say?"

When I put my foot down at home, it means that my wife has completed vacuuming under my chair.

Procrastination is my sin — it brings me endless sorrow; I must really stop doing it, in fact, I'll start tomorrow. — anonymous

There is a company named Tates that makes a terrible compass that never points in the right direction. It is said that "He who has a Tates, is lost."

Trouble with having an hour-glass figure is that all the sand always ends up in the bottom half.

When times were tough, I heard a voice that said, "Cheer up, things could get worse!" So, I cheered up and guess what? Things got worse.

I was told that to be successful I would have to work my fingers to the bone. I did what I was told and all I got were boney fingers.

Better to have loved a short girl than a tall.

The only way for some to wake up with a smile on their faces is to put a coat hanger in their mouths the night before.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses and all the King's men had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

If owls are so smart, how come they still have to work the night shift?

Ever notice that many famous people are born on holidays?

If it weren't for blinds, it would be curtains for all of us.

If your grandkids want to drive, don't stand in their way.

Ruth rode on my motorcycle on the seat back of me. I took a bump at 65, and rode on Ruthlessly.

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."