Laughter and chuckles for a jolly holiday

Patrick McAlpine

Santa is going to use his Holly Davidson to deliver presents this year.

The difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet is there is noel in the former.

A broke Santa is Nickel-ess one.

If you eat the Christmas decorations you will get tinsilitis.

Kids favorite king ... Stocking.

Santa is not allowed to go down the chimney this year! It is declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

The three stages of man: He believes in Santa — He doesn't believe in Santa — He is Santa.

The nationality of Santa is — North Polish.

A little boy wrote Santa and said, "Please send me a baby sister!" Santa wrote back, "Send me your mamma."

Favorite carol sung at Christmas in the desert — O "Camel" all Ye Faithful.

The actor who is afraid of Christmas is Noel Coward.

A deep fried Santa is Crisp Kringle.

The Christmas song goes, Deck the Halls. So, I did and Mr. and Mrs. Hall weren't too happy.

What do you call a blind reindeer? No eye deer.

Wrapping paper left over after the festive season is a Christ-mess.

Christmas song — It's beginning to "cost" a lot like Christmas.

You know Santa is in the room, you can feel his presents.

This reindeer has to mind his manners — -Rude-olph.

The kid who doesn't believe in Santa is a rebel without a Claus.

If the kids find their hidden gifts before Christmas it becomes the nightmare before Christmas.

The Grinch went to the liquor store to look for holiday spirit.

Went Christmas "Chopin." Was looking for a piano for my wife.

To help someone who has lost their spirit for the season, nurse them back to elf.

Does watching, "Miracle on 39th Street" make you Santa-mental?

Christmas chopping — going out and cutting your own tree.

Hip hop artists at Christmas un-wrap!

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."