SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Let's talk turkey

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

As we talk about turkeys, please excuse the fowl language.

Thanksgiving soup is so expensive! It has 24 carrots in it.

Mom turkey to baby turkey, "If dad could see you now, he would roll over in his gravy."

I called my turkey Napolean because I always get the boney-part.

My turkey had trouble in school because he was always cornu-copying.

Lots of cars are sold at this time of year because they sell autumn-mobiles.

For Thanksgiving dinner I always wear a har-vest.

For Thanksgiving the pilgrims played rock music.

We are having the same thing for Thanksgiving as last year — our relatives.

They always give thanks and we do the giving!

If your turkey has lost its tail, take it to the retail store!

The turkey was allowed to join the band because it had drumsticks.

Unhappy cranberries are blue berries.

A turkey is a funny bird ... its head goes wobble, wobble;

All it knows is just one word ... gobble, gobble, gobble.

T'was the night before Thanksgiving and all in my sleep,

Strange dreams in my mind began to creep.

The leftovers beckoned, the dark meat and white.

But I fought the temptation with all my might.

Tossing and turning with great anticipation,

The thought of a snack became infatuation.

To the kitchen I did race, flung open the door

And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,

Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling, so plump and so round,

Then all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling floating into the sky,

With a mouth full of pudding and a handful of pie.

But I managed to yell, as I soared past the trees,

"Happy eating to all, and pass the cranberries please." (Anonymous)

My Thanksgiving wish for you.

May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump,

May your potatoes and gravy never have a lump.

May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa. He’ll be writing a weekly humor column for The Destin Log. Submit your jokes or smiles to