SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Is laughter the best medicine? Let's find out

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

There's not much fun in medicine, but there is a lot of medicine in fun.

A bone specialist is looked upon as a "marrow-minded" doctor.

Dry Doc — a thirsty physician.

An eye doctor living on an island off Alaska is referred to as an optical Aleutian.

I know a dental hygienist that won employee of the mouth.

Two podiatrists set up practices next door to one another and became arch rivals.

Doctor — "I'm sorry to tell you but your wife's mind is completely gone."

Patient — "I'm not surprised, she's been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 20 years."

A. Wilson — The dentist, recognizing that his client's problem was the result of constant excessive use of Hollandaise sauce, recommended replacement of his dentures with chrome ones.

His explanation was, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

Autopsy is a dying practice.

My doctor told me that the formula for being eternally young will work once they iron out the wrinkles.

I called the incontinence line and they put me on hold.

Want to stay young and thin? Just hang around old and fat people.

At this age, flossing is a cinch. It's so much easier to get to those hard to reach places when my teeth are in my lap instead of my mouth.

I willed my body to science, but got a letter back saying, "We're not that desperate."

If his lips are on fire and he trembles in your arms, forget him. He's got malaria.

An Egyptian bone manipulator is called a Cairopractor.

Pharmacists are drug peddlers.

This lady friend of mine married an X-ray technician and I still don't know what she sees in him.

Old anesthesiologists never die — they just run out of gas.

Backlog — Chiropractor's appointment book.

Never trust a veterinarian with the nickname "Bones."

Things usually turn out well in the end when you visit a proctologist.

A chiropodist is a true sole-man.

Why is it that the scales at the doctor's office are always five pounds heavier than at home?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

My daughter became a chiropodist so that she could always be at the foot of the class.

Another friend of mine has "saloon arthritis." Every night she gets stiff in another joint.

Ladies, if you want a good date, go out with a chiropractor, They always have a new twist.

A wife said to her husband, "I'm sure all our kids are going to be doctors. They never come when you call them."

Have you noticed that radiologists usually have negative outlooks?

"Doctor, you have taken out my tonsils, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix!"

"That's quite enough out of you," replied the doctor.

Halitosis is better than no breath at all.

Struggling doctors give their employees used needles. Now, that's what I call syringe benefits.

She was an eloquent obstetrician. What a smooth delivery.

The dentist of the year gets a little "plaque."

Research causes cancer in rats.

My doctor told me that the injection wouldn't hurt me. That was just another M.D. promise.

To get to the top, a urologist must climb the bladder of success.

Doctor Jekyll had something to "Hyde."

Old Mort and his son Dave Florida, undertakers of renown, are also experts at rigging sailing ships in their spare time. Floridians agree that Dave is a mighty good mortician but he's not the rigger that Mort is.

When my doctor assistant asked me in which arm I wanted my flu shot, I answered, "Yours."

When the going gets tough, the tough use Metamucil.

I'm real bad at names. Saw a fella choking and performed the Kevorkian maneuver on him.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa. Submit your jokes or smiles to