SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Prodigal 'pun' has returned to the Emerald Coast

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don't know what you're missing.

Actually saw a sign outside a bakery — "Get your Buns In Here."

Do not trust atoms. They make up everything. And, if you believe in atoms, you might be on the Eve of Destruction.

When the inventor of throat Lozenges passed away, there was no coffin at his funeral. His body rested in the Smiths' Brothers funeral home. By the way, he was survived by his wife Sucrets.

If you milk a cow with diarrhea, all you get is udder crap.

I can play the piano with my eyes shut, but it sounds terrible.

Pretzels are knot bread. They love doing the Twist.

A basketball coach spotted a cellphone on the gym floor when the game had ended. He picked it up and checked it and took it over to the referee. "This must be yours. It says you missed 10 calls, so it must be yours."

Borrowed $10 from a sheep and then gave it an I.O.EWE.

The saying goes "You are dust and to dust ye shall return." So, that is why I don't want to do the dusting when my wife asks me, 'cause it might just be somebody I know.

Best Book Never Written — "Where to Stay While on Vacation" by Moe Tell

The meaning of the word "opaque" is unclear.

I'm a Catholic. Have been addicted to cats for a long time.

Strange, isn't it? When we were kids, we snuck out to go to parties and now that we are up in age, we sneak out of parties to go home.

Optometrists live long; they dilate.

Will glass coffins become the popular thing? It remains to be seen.

I don't like it when folks don't know the difference between "your" and "you're. "There" so uneducated.

Don't spell "part" backwards because it's a "trap."

EBay is useless to me. I tried to look up lighters and it gave me 13,734 matches.

Went to the doctor to check the big mark that I had on my forehead and asked her if it would get better. She replied, "I don't like making any 'rash' statements."

Have a pun-derful week.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to