SNOWBIRD SILLIES: May the 'fores' be with you

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Golf course sites are to be-holed.

A good golf partner is one that is always worse than you are. I guess that's the reason I get so many calls to play golf.

My golf partner remarked that it was good of me to use two caddies on the course. I replied that it was my wife's idea. She told me that I should be spending more time with my kids.

My golf game was really bad today. I lost two balls in the ball washer.

I actually played "World War II" golf today. That is out in 39 and home in 45.

It's a fore gone conclusion. I'm a bad golfer.

My wife is planning on being a golf widow. Next week she is going out and buying a gun.

Why is it that the most expensive golf balls have an affinity to water, and golf carts run out of juice the furthest distance from the clubhouse.

If you get angry while playing golf and have a tendency of throwing your clubs away, do so ahead of yourself so that you can pick them up on the way to the green. (T Bolt)

I lost a ball in the rough and while searching for it, I ran into some poison ivy. Talk about being a scratch golfer. (Jeff Foxworthy)

I am a religious golfer. I play only on Sundays.

Playing golf yesterday, I actually went for a swim twice. It was either that or go and buy some new golf balls.

John Daly was sent out of the library because his slacks were too loud.

Lady friend of mine said she took up golf so that she and her boyfriend would have something to do together. Only problem, she said, was that when she beat him, he dumped her.

I was really doing well in my golf game today until the eraser fell of the pencil.

This golfer is all decked out in the finest attire and tees off but hooks the ball deep into the rough. He takes out his favorite chipper and proceeds to show how good he is at blasting out. He strikes the ball, which hits a rock and ricochets off a rock strikes him in the head and kills him. He arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter takes one look at him and declares, "You must a golfer. Are you any good?“ The golfer replies, "I got here in two didn't I?"

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to