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SNOWBIRD SILLIES:Is your laugh tank on empty?

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

If your laugh life needs a jumpstart, let Pat take you the extra "smile."

Time to lighten up folks. Nobody is going to get out of this world alive. Another compilation of silly stuff that might cheer up your day.

My dad bought my mother one of those car cruise control systems for her 85 birthday. Driving down the main drag, she decided to start knitting a sweater and letting the cruise control do its job. A police officer noticed this and came up beside her and said, "Pullover," and she replied, "No, it's a cardigan."

I tried to buy some property on a hill, but found the price a little too steep. If you are looking for a small apartment, buy a condominium.

I got a great dealing buying a forklift truck for half price. It's amazing what you

can pick up these days. Did you know that seniors are the biggest carriers of aids? Hearing aids, band aids, Rolaids, walking aids, medical aid and monetary aids to kids.

Some power saws are a cut above the rest.

When they put water on sale, is it a liquidation sale?

I joined a health club down here in Destin and I never lost a pound. Apparently, you

have to go there. But, I got a lot of exercise walking the beach. Every time I walked by a nice young lady in a bikini, I sucked in my stomach.

Is it true, taller people sleep longer?

When I went skeet shooting, I wore a blindfold so that I wouldn't miss anything.

Went into a local bank and while standing in line, I noticed this elderly gentleman who looked a little different. When I took a second look, I noticed that he had a suppository in his ear. You know, one of those silver bullets. I went over to the fella and said, "Sir, do you realize that you have a suppository in your ear?" He said, "What?" I repeated, "Sir, you have a suppository in your ear." Again he said, "You want to make a deposit?" "No, I replied, you have a suppository in your ear." "Oh," thank you," he replied, "now I know where I put my hearing aid."

While at the Biloxi casino, I sat beside this rather large lady. Shortly she told me, "I have been here all night and my rear end has gone to sleep." "Yes, I know," I replied. "I've heard it snore three times."

They introduced me to line dancing down here. I became addicted to it and therefore have to attend a two step program.

Encountered a dental problem. I had a huge cavity fall out, so proceeded to the local dentist office. The regular dentist was on holidays, so I was attended to by a dentist who was just filling in.

I purchased a bureau recently and when I opened the drawer, five people fell out. It was a missing persons' bureau.

Smile a lot this week. It will drive your enemies crazy trying to figure out why you're smiling. .Smiling improves your face value and it doesn't cost anything either.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa. He’ll be writing a weekly humor column with The Destin Log. Submit your jokes or smiles to fribbitty@hotmail.com.