SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Snicker, chortle, groan, or laugh

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

For better or for verse, a compilation of "humorous" verses.

I used to love my garden, but now, my love is dead,

For I found a bachelor button, in black-eyed Susan's bed.

I often pause and wonder at fate's peculiar ways,

For nearly all our famous folk were born on holidays.

T'was in a restaurant that they met, Romeo and Juliet,

He had no cash to pay the debt, so, Romeo'd what Juliet.

She wore her stockings inside out all through the summer heat,

She said it cooled her off to turn the hose upon her feet.

A canner, exceedingly canny, one morning remarked to his granny,

A canner can can anything that she can,

But a canner can't can a can, can he?

A canny young lad named Fisher, once fished from the top of a fissure.

A fish with a grin, pulled the fisherman in — now they're fishing for Fisher in a fissure.

A tutor who tooted a flute, tried to teach two young tooters to toot,

Said the two to the tutor "Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

There was an old man from Westmeath, who sat on his set of false teeth,

And he said with a start, "Oh, God bless my heart, I think I bit myself underneath."

There was an old man from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a bucket,

And his daughter named Nan, ran away with the man and as for the cash, Nantucket.

A wonderful bird is the pelican, his mouth can hold more than his belican,

He can take in his beak, enough food for a week, I'm darned if I know how the helican.

The bottle of perfume that Hillie sent, was highly displeasing to Millicent;

Her thanks were so cold, they quarreled I am told, through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

Did you know that Knott and Shott fought a duel, the result being that they changed conditions.

Knott was shot and Shott was not. I guess it was better to be Shott than Knott.

Also, Brown had a lovely girl which the stork left her with a flutter.

Brown named her "Oleomargarine" for he hadn't any but her.

A doctor fell in a well and broke his collarbone.

The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone.

Talk about national spirit. This fellow met his girl in Friendship, Missouri.

Then he followed her to Love, Virginia and asked her to name a day at Ring, Arkansas.

They were married at Church, Iowa and settled down at Home, Oregon. Twins were born in Boise, Idaho.

There's a wonderful family, called Stein. There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein;

Gert's poems are bunk, Epp's statues are junk ...

And no one can understand Ein. — author unknown

Have another great week. Keep a smile on your face. It would look silly anywhere else.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" and a Canadian snowbird from Ottawa. He’ll be writing a weekly humor column with The Destin Log. Submit your jokes or smiles to fribbitty@hotmail.com.