SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Have a 'God' day

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Hope you have a "pew" chuckles today.

Give me a sense of humor Lord; and give me the grace to see a joke; to get some humor out of life and pass it on to other folk.

Dear God — So far today, I've done O.K.. I haven't gossiped and haven't lost my temper. I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish and I'm really glad of that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed and from then on, I'm going to need a lot of help. So, thank you Lord."

Fight truth decay ... study the Bible. B-I-B-L-E — Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.

If you are a born again Christian, do you have two belly buttons?

Neutrons have mass. I didn't even know that they were Catholic.

Reincarnation is coming back.

Some state that they found God. I didn't know that HE was lost.

The Seventh Commandment — Thou shalt not ADMIT adultery.

Joshua led the Battle of Geritol.

Why didn't Noah swat those two darned mosquitoes while on the Ark?

Dear Lord - — "I pray for wisdom to understand my man; love to forgive him and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death."

Our church is prayer-conditioned.

Do you need a faith lift?

Go to church. Don't wait for the hearse to take you.

A lot of kneeling keeps us in good standing. I got a kneeling ovation on this one.

Read the Bible. It will scare the hell out of you.

To make holy water, boil the hell out of it.

God has a sense of humor. He made us, didn't He?

Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.

Christians should have only one wife. That's what they call MONOTONY.

Don't give up. Remember, Moses was a basket-case.

At our Catholic church we have bingo every Friday afternoon. We call the numbers in Latin so that the Protestants can't win.

The Lord said to come forth and I came fifth and lost the race.

Special prayers — Lord, help me relax about insignificant details like beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. E.S.T.

God, give me patience and I mean right now.

Lord, help me slow down andnotorushthroughwhatIdo ...

God, help me not to be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

Lord, could you please help me to consider people's feelings even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

Could you Lord, keep me open to other's ideas, WRONG though they may be.

God, help me finish everything I sta

God, help me not to try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me.

Have a "God" day. Yes, I know I have GLOOM for improvement.

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."