SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Keep a smile on your face

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

I have a friend called Ena. Every time I say "Hi, Ena," she laughs her head off.

A fellow threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super-fish-oil.

As a senior, I hired a fellow to do odd jobs around our house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do, but he only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

When I went to the hospital for treatment, they gave me a gown to wear. I told them it was like insurance.. You are never covered as much as you would like to be.

At one of Destin's finest hotels, I parked in the only executive spot. An attendant came and told me I had to be a badge holder. I told him, "I do have a bad shoulder"

Can acupuncture do anything for pins and needles ?

I am providing these groaners just for the HEALTH OF WIT.

A female duck waddled up to a male duck one fall day and was about to comment on what a fine day it was when she spotted a hunter partially hidden in the bushes with his gun pointed in their direction.

"Look out," she quacked, as she dove for safety. When she resurfaces, she noticed that the drake was gone but there were all kinds of splinters floating in the air. "A-haa," nodded the female duck ... "Wooden duck eh."

My recliner and I go a way back. Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down and wait 'til the feeling goes away.

I returned a book on medical procedures to the Destin Library a day after I took it out. The librarian asked me why I returned it so quickly and I replied, "Someone removed the appendix."

Eat a lot of prunes. It will give you a good "run" for your money.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits. I open the paper and read the obits. If I'm not there, I know I 'm not dead.

So, I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed. (author unknown)

Selling cheap gas is fuel-ish.

Shakespeare went into a saloon and ordered a drink. The bartender told him that he couldn't serve him. When asked why, the bartender said, "You're bard."

Male deer have buck teeth.

Grey Poupon and Docker pants are merging. They will become POUPON PANTS.

Have a punder-ful week.

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."