SNOWBIRD SILLIES:For heavens' sake — God made me do it

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

Even God had a sense of humor. He put "us" on this earth. I present, a "compilation" of "church" goodies. Remember, they are only for groan-ups.

Is it true that the Pope manages the St. Louis Cardinals?

When Eve tried to get out of the Garden of Eden without him, Adam called up the commanding officer and said, "Eve is absent without leaf."

A small lad was asked by his priest, "Do you say your prayers before eating at home?" Kid replied, "We don't have to. Mom's a good cook."

I asked God for a bike but I knew God didn't work that way. So, I stole one and am

now going to confession to ask His forgiveness.

The Darning Association hymn — Holy, Holy, Holy

Fisherman hymn — Shall we Gather at the River.

Fifth commandment — Humor thy father and mother.

When atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the Bible?

When we get to heaven do we have to wear the clothes in which we are buried?

"I'll join you in a moment," said the minister to a young couple waiting to be married.

Our bishop has flat feet. Bless his soles.

The Bible tells us to love thy neighbor, but, does it mention that they have a kid who is

learning to play the bagpipes?

There were three other people on board the Ark before Noah, because it says, and Noah

went forth.

The phone number of the Garden of Eden — Adam 8-1-2.

Religious Labrador dogs are recognized by their dog-collars.

St. Francis of a See Saw is the patron saint of playgrounds.

Adam and Eve were thrown out of the Garden of Eden because they were too noisy. They raised Cain..

Joe was 80 years old when his beloved wife passed away. After a respectable time of mourning, he decide that life should go on. So, he went on a diet and lost 50 pounds, got a facelift, learned to dance, got himself a neat hairpiece and began to date. Thirty days later, Joe died of a massive heart attack.

When he arrived in heaven, he wistfully asked God. "Why me Lord?" I was just beginning to enjoy life once again. God replied, "Sorry Joe, I didn't recognize you."

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because although they are massive creatures, their throats are very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, but the teacher once again corrected her saying that was impossible. The little kid exclaimed, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "Well, what happens if Jonah goes to hell? The kid replied, "Well, then You can ask him."

Have a great week.

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."