SNOWBIRD SILLIES: O Pun for Providing Puns

Staff Writer
The Destin Log
Patrick McAlpine

As you know, I am noted for providing puns for my readers "collected" over the years.

As a matter of fact, my neighbor locked me in a dark closet and told me to make a pun about it. So, I said, "O pun this door."

Besides this, I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words ...

Was offered a job with H & R Block, but I refused because it was too taxing.

Met this lady who said she recognized me from the local vegetarian club, but I never met herbivore.

If they made a cardboard belt, would it be a waist of paper?

Did you know?

The famous 500 mile race in Pakistan is called the Hindi 500 ...

Trombone players are paid on a sliding scale ...

Corduroy pillows are making headlines ...

Doctor Scholl let people walk all over him ...

There is a U.S. college that teaches students to drive on the highway. It's called Tulane University ...

That I had a soft drink while ironing my clothes. It was soda pressing ...

A farmer planted old car parts so that she could have a bumper crop ...

The Destin library uses the Dewey system. When will they start to use the Huey and Louie system as well?

A baby born feet first sure has to hold its breath a long time.

Do joggers drink running water?

Patriot fans love to drink root beer.

Do illiterate folks get the full effect of alphabet soup?

If Puccini had written Madame Butterfly a few months earlier, would it have been known as Madame Caterpillar?

Some different country and western tunes

1. "I'm just a bug on the windshield of life."

2. "Give me back my heart, I ordered liver."

3. "We used to kiss on the lips, but it's all over now."

4. "The next time you throw the frying pan, my face won't be there."

5. "How can you believe me when I say I love you when you know I've been a liar all my life."

6. "If I shot you when I wanted to, I'd be a free man today."

7. "My wife ran off with my best friend and I sure miss him."

8. "If I can't be number one in your life, then number two on you."

9. "She got the ring and I got the finger."

10. "Tennis must be your racket 'cause love means nothing to you."

A compilation of groans and chuckles from various sources too many to cite. I recommend the International Save the Pun Foundation" and a book called Millions of Zingers."

Pat McAlpine is a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa, Ontario. His motto is, "A smile is a carnation in the buttonhole of life."