SNOWBIRD SILLIES: Snowbird wants to take you the extra 'smile'

Patrick McAlpine, Snowbird Sillies

We have two choices in life! We can either laugh or cry. I prefer the former because I have less to clean up! Here’s your compilation of groans and smiles by your favorite Canadian snowbird.

·         Want to increase your face value? Just smile!

·         Laugh and the world laughs with you... Snore and you sleep alone.

·         When we laugh, it shows only in one place, but we feel good all over.

·         Here's a few more groaners, chuckles and smiles.

·         Every dog has his day, but every dog without a tail has a weak-end...

·         A dog gave birth on the side of the old Highway 98... It was cited for littering...

·         When fog clears over Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

·         Snowbirds, forget about health food. We need all the preservatives we can get.

·         I have an eating disorder! Right now, I am eating dis order of fries, dis order of chicken wings and dis order of chocolate cake.

·         To me, a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

·         Advice to those who go to massage parlors. Don't let them rub you the wrong way !

·         At Christmas time, do Floridians sing " I'm dreaming of a tan Christmas?"

·         Remember the good old days when the car cost more than to park it?

·         Does beer make you smart?  It sure makes Budweiser!

·         Does music make you think?  It sure makes Stevie Wonder!

·         I am somewhat obese! Does that mean that I can't go skinny dipping?

·         I have been in love with the same woman for 45 years!  If my wife ever finds out she's going to kill me!

·         When a friend asked my wife how she took out her anger on me when I got silly, she replied, "I clean the toilet!" "Well, how does that get you even with him, and she replied, "I use his toothbrush!"

·         Is it really a good thing if a vacuum really sucks?

·         Someone told me that a computer could do half my work. So, I bought two of them...

·         Ever wonder if a hearse carrying a corpse can drive in the carpool lane?

·         Can a cemetery raise its prices and then blame it on the cost of living?

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described "edutainer" and a Canadian Snowbird from Ottawa. McAlpine is hosting Funology (laughter, fun and trivia) Mondays at 10 a.m. at the Senior Center next to the Destin History and Fishing Museum. He’ll also be writing a weekly humor column on Wednesday’s with The Destin Log through his stay in February. Submit your jokes or smiles to