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Hart: Veep sweepstakes fantasy league draft choices

Staff Writer
The Destin Log
Ron Hart

It’s been a tough month for Ted Cruz, culminating with him ending his campaign. Cruz pulling out was not a surprise.

In an odd move, Ted Cruz threw up a Hail Mary by naming Carly Fiorina as his running mate last week. This made her “just a heartbeat away” from never being the vice president. She wanted to become the first person to lose twice in the same presidential election. Ted Cruz naming his VP was a bit like the Atlanta Braves naming where they are going to have their World Series victory parade.

He picked Carly in a hasty manner. It was a three-question vetting process: 1. Are you a woman? 2. How would you be working with Lucifer in the flesh? 3. Are you good at suffering humiliating losses?

Sadly, she and Trump would have been better suited as running mates. Carly is bright and measured, and she would help bridge Trump’s gender gap. But it would be uncomfortable; Trump has never voluntarily been that near a woman over 50 in his life.

Cruz would have never considered a man as his running mate. He felt two men running together looked too gay-looking.

All the while, Hillary is trying to stay above the fray and away from indictment. She has been playing the “woman card” on Donald Trump. If you have not been paying attention, Hillary’s entire campaign platform seems solely that a woman should be our next president. Hillary is a woman, so it should be her.

She has been touring the country, including Kansas, and was encouraged to see campaign signs with her slogan, “Ready for Hillary.” Unfortunately for her, the signs were in front of the prison at Leavenworth.

She has also been working on a more likeable image, appearing with daughter Chelsea and the Clintons’ new grand-baby. She says she has gotten good at changing diapers, which might mean that she is preparing to name Bernie Sanders as her running mate.

Hillary also looked to soften the perception of her relationship with her husband and political asset, Bill. In another softball CNN interview last week, she was asked to name all the things she loves about Bill and one she doesn’t. She said she doesn’t like that Bill reads in bed and doesn’t turn off the light. If CNN had an ounce of journalistic instincts, the natural follow-up question would be, “Which woman told you that?”

Bernie Sanders knows he cannot win. Hillary has the su-per delegates in her ample pantsuit pockets and, it appears, stuffed in her pants legs. Sanders’ game plan is to stay in the race to notoriety and to burnish his iconic image in hopes of landing perhaps an MSNBC talk show or paid speaking engagements. He wants to be the first person in America ever to make money off of socialism. He could model himself after socialist multi-billionaires who run their countries into the ground with their “share-the-wealth” populist politics, like Fidel Castro and Vladimir Putin.

Trump has turned this GOP nomination campaign into an episode of “The Apprentice.” In a last-ditch effort, Cruz and Fiorina cut a deal with John Kasich to combine efforts in order to defeat Trump – exactly what Gary Busey, Omarosa and Meatloaf would do.

For Ted Cruz, the writing was on the wall last month. Some overweight woman who looks just like Ted Cruz appeared on “The Maury Povich Show.” She became an instant internet sensation; last week she was approached about doing a porn film. On the bright side, there might finally be something to curb America’s porn addiction.

“TrusTed” is Cruz’s campaign slogan. But a month ago it was reported that he has five mistresses. Trust is key in relationships; one must trust that none of these women says anything.

The way the campaign is going, Trump might name Admiral Stockdale as his running mate.

The hysteria about Trump winning the nomination is starting to subside. The establishment GOP folk are coming around. Reince Priebus congratulated him on being the presumptive nominee. And even those who said they would move to Canada if Trump is elected president have calmed down. Rosie O’Donnell and Lena Dunham now say they will only move from HBO to Netflix if Trump is elected.

A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning au-thor, Ron’s a frequent guest on CNN. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.