HART: Here is my ADD Christmas wish list

Ron Hart
Ron Hart

1. I hope Judge Roy Moore rides away on his horse, “Sassy.” It is Christmas, and he can hang around the mall until the kiosks close (I think malls there still have a place to tie up your horse). Or he’ll continue to be a leader in Alabama; he currently leads the state in most proms attended.

2. Moore losing was the best news for Democrats since a generic version of Viagra came out.

3. I hope this rash of sexual harassment claims calms down and men and women can be less tense toward each other. Back in the day, Ted Kennedy (D-MA) left a woman for dead at the Chappaquiddick bridge, and President Clinton had credible evidence against him for rape. Both became leaders in their party. Now, if a woman says you asked for her number, you are expected to resign.

4. My wish is that Mueller clarify what is going on in his “Russian collusion” probe. Keep in mind, he and James Comey are good friends dating back to when they studied Manufactured Drama together in the NYU theater program.

5. Washington D.C. will again be named by Men’s Health magazine as the “fittest city.” Of course it is. Government officials there are always dodging subpoenas, walking back statements, hopping into bed, dancing around issues and jumping to conclusions — all good cardio.

6. Battles between pro-life and pro-choice activists and how to deal with terrorism will hopefully subside after the Alabama Senate race. No outside person should hold sway over whether an American lives or dies. That is the sole province of whoever is texting with you while you are driving.

7. I hope the tensions with North Korea subside. Trump and Kim Jung Un have such tension, which can only mean one thing: they once dated.

8. I hope that as more states legalize pot, millennials don’t become less productive than they already are. Right now city limit signs in Denver say, "Welcome to Denver, A Work-Free Drug Zone."

9. I hope Melania Trump decides to use the Reagan china for this year's Christmas dinner in the White House. The Obamas used the Clinton china last year, and you could see where each piece had been glued back together.

10. Let’s hope the royal wedding goes well for Prince Harry and his American bride so millennials might start marrying. These kids are having a hard time determining just which person they want to stare at their iPhones with for the rest of their lives.

11. With all the sexual misconduct casualties, men in power will continue to be scared in 2018. They are all about as scared as a Kardashian with only 1 percent cell phone battery life. I hope Congress will be able to get a quorum.

12. I wish late-night comics would start being funny again. The main casualty of Trump's presidency is that we have lost all the once funny late-night comics to vitriolic political grandstanding.

13. I'm wishing Al Franken well. Things are so bad for him that Harvey Weinstein just un-friended him on Facebook.

14. I hope Trump’s next move is to cut the deep state bureaucrats. They are like Christmas lights: frustratingly intertwined, not very bright and half don’t work.

A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron’s a frequent guest on CNN. He can be contacted at or @RonaldHart on Twitter.