SNOWBIRD SILLIES: 'Punny' stuff from newspapers

Patrick McAlpine
Patrick McAlpine

There is a lot of "punny" stuff in many newspapers throughout the U.S. and Canada. In one paper they had a pun contest and I submitted 10 puns that I hoped would win. Here is what I submitted.

1. As a child, I was very young.

2. Michelangelo charged ceiling prices.

3. Nuns have flat hair. It's a force of habit.

4. I went to a costume party dressed as nitrogen I was really in my element.

5. Went to the Cabana restaurant and ordered an Elvis Presley steak. That's the one for people like me who love meat tender.

6. The country that ruled by napkin ... the Serviette Union.

7. There is a new chain of Russian coffee shops ... TsarBucks.

8. If you have an injured lemon, give it lemon-aid.

9. Eat a lot of prunes and you will really get a run for your money.

10. A "quartet" of undertakers are called the FOUR MALDEHYDES.

Hoping to win, would you believe, NO PUN IN 10 DID.

Breaking news

An editor of one of the papers took his wife on a safari in Africa. He was captured by the chief of one of the hostile tribes. The chief placed him in a pot of boiling water but his wife rescued him. If she hadn't, he would have been editor-in-chief.

Is it true that The Destin Log is going to hire a chiropractor to write a spinal column?

Another paper reported that there was a large hole found in the fence that surrounded a nudist colony. Police are looking into it.

It was reported that a cruise ship stopped in Bermuda and passengers went to hear an orchestra. It was great until the fellow playing the triangle disappeared.

When you check the OBITS in the paper, isn't it strange how people die in alphabetic order?

I called the paper to place an ad, but I couldn't tell the lady about it because it was classified.

It is always darkest just before dawn, so if you are going to steal your neighbors' paper then is a good time to do it.

Some days we are the bug and other days the windshield.

Some days we are the statue and others the pigeon.

Some days we are the dog and others the hydrant.

Ergo, enjoy the good times.

Patrick McAlpine is a self-described “edutainer” and a Canadian Snowbird from Kanata, Ontario, Canada. Submit your jokes or smiles to fribbitty@hotmail.com.